100 Corny Dad Jokes That Will Have You Rolling On The Floor

July 19, 2022

Who doesn’t enjoy corny dad jokes? When we hear a joke, we can’t help but smile, whether we’re at a family gathering or just with our friends. However, why do they always cause us to laugh? In fact, a few of them may cause you to laugh out loud. Who wouldn’t enjoy a pun-based insult?

There is a corny joke suitable for every type of father. These jokes will make you laugh, regardless of whether you’re a natural jokester or just attempting to be funny. We have compiled the funniest jokes and placed them in one convenient location so that you can always enjoy a good chuckle.

Dad jokes are usually popular with the family, but did you know there are a few corny jokes that date back to the 1800s? At family gatherings, dad jokes are a standard. What happens, however, when dad is the punchline? Here are some cheesy dad jokes that are certain to make you laugh out loud.

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Corny dad jokes

Does your father make you laugh frequently? If so, you’re not alone. The popularity of dad jokes is warranted. They can be utilised in any discourse and are simple to create. Here are some favourite corny jokes about fathers:

What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi.
Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots…
How do you define a farmer? Someone who is good in their field.
How do you get a farm girl to like you? A tractor.
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet—I don’t know y.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Déja. Déja who? Knock knock.
What do you call a man named David without an ID? Dav.
Where do bad rainbows go? Prism. It is just a light sentence.
Dear Math, it’s time to grow up and solve your own problems.
“What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.”
How do you measure the mass of an influencer’s following? By Instagrams!
Just paid $200 for a belt that doesn’t fit! What a huge waist!
What’s a demon’s favorite handwriting style? Cursive.
What rock group has four men that don’t sing? Mount Rushmore.
Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines.
What’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty.
Vin Diesel eats two meals a day. Breakfast and breakfurious.
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said “parking fine.”
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1
Sore throats are a pain in the neck.
Why does Waldo wear a striped shirt? Because he doesn’t want to be spotted.
“Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.”
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water? He had a very esteemed colleague.
What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.
Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!
Why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf clover? Cause you shouldn’t press your luck.
The first thing Santa’s elves learn in school is their elf-abet.
My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.
“I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.”
Why does Waldo wear stripes? He doesn’t want to be spotted.
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where’s popcorn?
“What has more letters than the alphabet?” “The post office!”
I’m starting a new dating service in Prague. It’s called Czech-Mate.
What do you call a duck that‘s addicted? A quackhead.
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
“Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.”
What do you call a magician who loses his magic? Ian.
How do you catch a whole school of fish? With bookworms.
What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory!
Two aerials get married. The ceremony was rubbish – but the reception was brilliant.
Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe!
“What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?” “Sofishticated.”
How do you make Lady Gaga mad? Poke her face.

Corny bad dad jokes

Bad Corny Dad Jokes are everywhere! They may not be the most appropriate things to say to your father, but at least they will make you chuckle. Below are the few worst:

What do scholars eat when they’re hungry? Academia nuts.
“If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?”
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.
I wasn’t expecting to be diagnosed as colour blind. It really came out of the purple.
“Dad, did you get a haircut?” “No, I got them all cut!”
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent!
If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
I would avoid the sushi if I were you. It’s a little fishy!
What do you call a beehive without an exit? Un-bee-lievable.
Why was the stadium so hot after the game? Because all the fans left.
“What’s the best thing about Switzerland?” “I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.”
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
I’ll call you later. Don’t call me later, call me Dad!
“What does a sprinter eat before a race?” “Nothing, they fast!”
“Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?” “Because if they flew over the bay, we’d call them bagels.”
What do you call two monkeys who share an Amazon account? Prime mates.
I tried to get a smart car the other day but they sold out too fast. Why? I guess I’m just a bit slow.
Try the seafood diet—you see food, then you eat it.
Why was the broom late for work? It over-swept.
I used to run a dating service for chickens. But I was struggling to make hens meet.
What do you call a man who can’t stand? Neil.
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint!
“A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, ‘Sorry, we don’t serve food here.'”
Can I dive in this pool? It deep-ends.
What do you call Batman when he’s hurt? Bruised Wayne.
I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.
Went to the corner shop – bought four corners
This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.
“Where do you learn to make a banana split?” “Sundae school.”
What do you call a fibbing cat? A lion.
They’re heavily calfinated
What do you call a zombie’s butt? Deadass
He wants to be an astronaut.
What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I’m dressing.

Corny dad jokes for kids

Can anything be more aggravating than when your father tells you a corny joke? There is nothing more exasperating than when you can’t stop giggling at something your dad says that you know to be ridiculous. Who, however, can withstand a good corny joke? Here are a few of our favourite tricks for kids to try out on their fathers.

What’s black and white and goes around and around? A penguin in a revolving door.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
I never buy pre-shredded cheese. Because doing it yourself is grate.
Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
What did the shy pebble wish for? That he was a little boulder.
I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to go spreading it!
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends? Well, honestly, he’s a real pain in the neck.
What did the sink tell the toilet? You look flushed!
Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump… But that’s comparing apples to oranges.
What rhymes with boo and stinks? You!
Why don’t you buy things with Velcro? It’s a rip-off.
I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but she said it’s just a bug that’s going around.
“You think swimming with sharks is expensive? Swimming with sharks cost me an arm and a leg.”
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!
“What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.”
Bruce Lee was fast, but he had an even faster brother… Sudden Lee.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese.
I asked the librarian if books about paranoia were available.
What did one hat say to the other? Stay here! I’m going on ahead.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
What would the Terminator be called in his retirement? The Exterminator.
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
What is the opposite of a croissant? A happy uncle.
Did you hear about the french general who stepped on a landmine? Napoleon Blown Apart.
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
“Have you ever tried to catch a fog? I tried yesterday but I mist.”
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What is the tallest building in the world? The library—it’s got the most stories.
I don’t really call for funerals that start before noon. I guess I’m just not a mourning person!
“Do you wanna box for your leftovers?” “No, but I’ll wrestle you for them.”

Funny corny dad jokes

Classic and always amusing, Dad’s jokes are timeless. Take a peek at these cheesy dad jokes if you’re in need of a good laugh. You will be roaring with laughter!

Ghosts are bad liars because you can see right through them.
Why do standup comedians perform poorly in Hawaii? Because the audience only responds in a low ha.
SpongeBob may be the main character of the show. But Patrick is the star.
What’s blue and not very heavy? Light blue.
I haven’t spoken to my wife in four years. I thought it would be rude to interrupt her!
If two vegetarians get in an argument, is it still called beef?
“Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s okay, he woke up.”
To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn’t change color? He had a reptile dysfunction.
Why do vampires have no friends? They suck.
What do you call a pencil with two erasers? Pointless.
He looked devastated. I told him, “Don’t worry about it, champ. Pick yourself up”.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
Did you hear about the ATM that got addicted to money? It suffered from withdrawals.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to? Plymouth rock.
I was in a grocery store when a man started to throw cheese, butter and yoghurt at me. How Dairy!
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, ‘Sorry, we don’t serve food here.’
Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.
What do you call malware on a Kindle? A bookworm.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
Why are fish so smart? They live in schools!
“How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?” “You follow the fresh prints.”
Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.
You’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you’re in there? European.
6 What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.
Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tale.
Why does Sherlock Holmes love Mexican restaurants? They give him good case ideas.
What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable.
Why are bakers so rich? They make so much dough.
I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know.
If Apple made a car, would it have Windows?

Really corny dad jokes

Sharing your funny dad jokes with your children is one of the greatest aspects of being a father. Whether they are mature enough to understand the comedy or not, they will always remember the corny one-liners that made you chuckle when they were young.

Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves. Finally, my high school karate lessons paid off.
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
What do you call a donkey with only three legs? A wonkey!
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
Why did Karen press Ctrl+Shift+Delete? Because she wanted to see the task manager.
I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you didn’t like it.
How do you throw a party in outer space? You planet.
My psychiatrist says I have an unhealthy obsession with revenge. We’ll see about that…
Why can’t a leopard hide? Because he’s always spotted.
What did the big flower say to the tiny flower? “Hey there bud!”
How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints.
“This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in.”
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.
What’s the least spoken language in the world? Sign language.
My son screeched, “Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to one word I’ve said, have you!?” What a strange way to start a conversation with me…
“If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?” “Pilgrims.”
What kind of doctor is Dr. Pepper? A fizzician.
What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way!
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve food here.”
How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents!
What do you call a shoe made of a banana? A slipper!
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren’t going to work out.
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised!
I wish Covid-19 had started in Las Vegas. Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
What’s the difference between a man’s wallet before and after kids? There are pictures where the money used to be.
“How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.”
What’s an arsonist favorite holiday? The 4th of July. Because fire works.
I’m reading an anti-gravity book. I can’t put it down!
It’s because they can’t see sh!t at night.
I want to name my puppies Rolex and Timex so I can have watch dogs.
I’ve never gone to a gun range before. I decided to give it a shot!

Corny dad Christmas jokes

Corny dad jokes are among the best Christmas jokes for fathers. Why, for instance, did the chicken cross the street? To reach the pile of corn! Or, what does a father reply when his daughter begs for a gift? I do not own one, but I can construct you one! These jokes are certain to make your father chuckle, as well as elicit fond memories of when you were children.

What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination? “Hand eeeeeyeeeee……”
I only believe in 12.5% of the Bible. Because I am an eighth-theist.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day – but I couldn’t find any.
I’m so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed!
A Vicks VapoRub truck overturned on the highway this morning. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours!
I hated facial hair but then it grew on me.
If you slap Dwayne Johnsons butt… You officially hit rock bottom.
What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.
I have a clean conscious—it’s never been used.
What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? Roberto!
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
Why is the letter A like a flower? Because a “b” comes after it!
My new sweater had a problem with static so I returned it. They gave me a new one free of charge.
“What country’s capital is growing the fastest?” “Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.”
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
I’m an expert at picking leaves and heating them in water. It’s my special tea.
Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket?
The rotation of earth really makes my day.
Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, “No, just leave it in the carton!”
“I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.”
A witch’s vehicle goes brrrroom brrrroom!
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today. It was clogged.
I lost an electron. Are you positive?

Super corny dad jokes

Dan’s fondness for Corny dad jokes back to his childhood. He would tell them at family events, at work, and even when just hanging out with his friends. However, even Dan was unaware of all of them, so he began to compile a list.

What is the opposite of ladies fingers? Mentos
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.
“I don’t trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.”
After dinner, my wife asked if I could clear the table. I needed a running start, but I made it!
Whoever stole my depression medication: I hope you’re happy.
Do you wanna box for your leftovers? No, but I’ll wrestle you for them.
It’s Christmas Eve.
“Dad, can you put the cat out?” “I didn’t know it was on fire.”
What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum? He has a meltdown.
This morning, Siri said, “Don’t call me Shirley.” I accidentally left my phone in Airplanemode!
I wish my gray hair started in Las Vegas because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
You can’t spell par entry without “try.”
What do you call a mountain of cats? Meow-tain.
What happens when a frogs car dies? He needs a jump. If that doesn’t work he has to get it toad.
Why didn’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
Did you hear the joke about the wandering nun? She was a Roman Catholic.
So a vowel saves another vowel’s life. The other vowel says, “Aye E! I owe you!”

Corny dad joke pick-up lines

Try one of these cheesy pick-up lines if you’re looking for a joke that will have people laughing. These are guaranteed to put a grin on everyone’s face, whether you’re at a bar, in a grocery store queue, or simply hanging out with your friends.

I slept like a log last night. Woke up in the fireplace!
Why don’t pirates take a bath before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore.
“How do you make 7 even?” “Take away the s.”
How does a boar sign its name? With a pig pen.
What kind of cars do eggs drive? Yolkswagens.
“I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. It was more of a fanta sea.”
My wife wants me to blow air on her whenever she overheats, but honestly… … I’m not a fan.
Why were they called the “dark ages?” Because there were a lot of knights.
What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? Ketchup
“I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind.”
Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
What does the cell say to his sister when she steps on his toe? “Oh my toe sis!”
When the grocery store clerk asks me if I want the milk in a bag, I always tell him, “No, I’d rather drink it out of the carton!”
I’m reading a horror story in braille. Something bad is going to happen, I can just feel it.
“I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!”
I’ll never tell my accountant a joke again. He just depreciates them.
What do you call a mom who turns into a dad? Transparent.
Can February march? No, but April may!
I saw a 1000 year old oil stain… It was from ancient Greece.
Shouldn’t the “roof” of your mouth actually be called the ceiling?
When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
A guy goes to his doctor because he can see into the future. The doctor asks him, “How long have you suffered from that condition?” The guy tells him, “Since next Monday.”
I’ve been thinking about taking up meditation. I figure it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.
Why do Dads take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? In case they get a hole in one.
I just got a promotion at the farm. I’m the new CIEIO.
What did the seal with one fin say to the shark? If seal is broken, do not consume.
“A guy walks into a bar…and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.”
Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days? They just seem a little shady!
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge asks her, “First offender?” She says, “No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”
Where did the cat go after losing its tail? To the retail store.

Corny dad jokes for work

Everyone has a few corny dad jokes, but what do you do if you’re locked in an office with a bunch of strangers? Here are some jokes about fathers that will make everyone chuckle, including the most stern of bosses.

I just watched all the Harry Pottermovies back to back with a friend. It maybe wasn’t the best idea, because it meant I couldn’t see the TV.
How do you follow Will Smith in the Mud? Follow the fresh prints.
What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield!
My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?”And I told him, “No it doesn’t!”
She looked up and whispered, “They’re right behind you”.
“A skeleton walks into a bar and says, ‘Hey, bartender. I’ll have one beer and a mop.'”
“Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.”
Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast.
“How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!”
I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus but graphing is where I draw the line.
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many Cheetahs
I can sum up 2021 in one word. Five
“How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.”
“My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.”
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course! The Empire State Building can’t jump.
Why do pregnant cows have so much energy?
What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y!
What did the Japanese cannibal eat for dinner? Raw men
What did the buffalo say to its son when he left? Bison!
My therapist told me I have problems with verbalising my emotions. Can’t say I’m suprised.
Why do melons have weddings? They cantaloupe!
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRRAAAIINS!”
How Do Fish Get High? Seaweed
What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle.
Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!
What’s a computer’s favorite snack? Microchips!

Corny dad jokes clean

There is something about a father that makes us all feel at ease and as if we can share anything with him. Corny dad jokes are a terrific way to show your father that you’re thinking about him, as well as a great method to clean the home!

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it!
Why do vampires always seem sick? They’re coffin.
I used to hate facial hair…but then it grew on me.
So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means? It’s not the end of the world.
How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to go spreading it!
What did the policeman say to his belly button? You’re under a vest!
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 atenine!
Why couldn’t the astronaut land on the moon? Because it was full.
What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language.
I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts.
5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
They say that 3/2 people are bad at fractions.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
What sound does a witches car make? Broom Broom
I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house… but the kids still get in.
“What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?” “A meltdown.”
“What did one hat say to the other?” “Stay here! I’m going on ahead.”
What’s an astronaut’s favorite candy? A Mars bar.
“Shout out to my fingers. I can count on all of them.”
Why did Eminem prefer the Johnson & Johnson vaccine? You only get one shot.
“Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet.”
A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!
“What does a bee use to brush its hair?” “A honeycomb!”
“What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.”
A large fortune.
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
“I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.”
My wife and I let astrology get between us. It’s Taurus apart.
Did you hear about the bacon cheeseburger who couldn’t stop telling jokes? It was on a roll.
“What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!”

About Corny Dad Jokes?

People enjoy sharing with their pal’s corny dad jokes, which are a popular style of humour.
These jokes are typically about fathers and their offspring, although they can be about any member of the family.
They always make people laugh and are ideal for whether you’re feeling down or simply want to have fun.
Everyone can appreciate a good laugh!